Ache
by CloudSpires1295
Summary: Sisfic coda to 2x17 "Heart". The sound of the shot ringing out reverberated through her brain, and the ache in her heart for her baby brother felt as though the bullet had hit her instead. Rated T for canon-typical swearing and mild description of a dead body. Part of the Shay 'verse.


**I've got a folder on my USB full of codas featuring Shay, and I'm kinda picking through them and posting the ones that seem finished. This one is a coda to 2x17 "** _ **Heart**_ **" taking place after the end of the episode. Feels, guys, feels around. Enjoy the fic!**

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It was taking every bit of willpower in Shailene's body to wait a few moments after the shot rang out and Madison's body hit the floor with a dull thump before going to Sam. A quick glance at Dean's face told her that her twin felt the same way, and she bit her lip hard enough to draw blood as a few tears managed to trickle down her cheeks.

Dammit, she _never_ wanted to see that kind of agony on her Sammy's face again. She'd sooner die than feel as helpless as she did when she realized that there was no possible way to shield him from the horrible feeling of ending a life that didn't deserve to be snuffed out. It was one thing entirely to have a demon pulling the strings, but _this_ … being completely in charge of the decision to kill… She didn't have a firsthand experience with it, but it was easy to see that her baby brother would never recover from it, at least not deep down where it counted.

Shay was startled out of her racing thoughts by Dean breezing past her to round the corner. Forcing herself to focus, the huntress followed. There was little doubt that any one of Madison's neighbors had heard the shot and they needed to make themselves scarce before one of them called the cops. Dean was already registered with the FBI, the last thing they needed was for the rest them to be added to that list.

"Okay Sammy," Shay came up behind her trembling baby brother, slowly easing her left arm around his waist, "hold on." She carefully eased the pistol out of his right hand and clicked the safety back into place before handing it off to Dean.

"Alright, big guy," she soothed, "come with me, Dean's gotta wipe us out of this mess, and then…" her gaze moved to Madison's face, dead eyes gazing blankly at the ceiling, and a shudder ran through her body, "then we gotta go."

"Can't just leave her," Sam murmured, pain evident in his tone, "we gotta… we can't just leave her here."

"We don't have a choice, kiddo," Dean responded softly, "her neighbors probably heard the shot, so we gotta get our prints outta here and haul ass," he looked at Shay, "get him out to the car, I'll finish up in here."

"Kay," Shay nodded once, "De? Her eyes." At her twin brother's understanding nod, the blonde huntress began guiding Sam out of the room with all the patience and soothing tones of someone who'd been doing it for years. In a way, it was almost like luring a much younger Sam into bed with promises of snuggles and bedtime stories… but with a heavy dose of tragedy and painfully real tears in place of puppy dog eyes and crocodile tears.

' _God he doesn't deserve this_ ,' Shay thought sadly, keeping Sammy clutched close to her body as if she were a sponge and could sop up the pain leaking out of him like blood from a fresh wound, ' _why does it always have to be him?_ ' She would've given anything at all to have pulled the trigger for him, to shield him from the agony he was now suffering from but she knew all too well how stubborn her little brother could be.

' _First the freaky demon virus, fucking Gordon, Meg riding him, and now this... and of course we can't forget the fucking YED has god-knows-what in store for him and Dad telling Dean that he might have to kill him if we can't save him from that_.'

Sometimes, when she was feeling really desperate, Shay toyed with the idea of hauling ass to the nearest crossroads and making a deal to get Sam and Dean out of this life before one of the inevitable twists of fate ended up being a fatal one. She knew all too well that her brothers would never forgive her if she snapped and sold her soul for their sake and that Dean would inevitably find a way to make it his fault… God, she _hated_ that her father had instilled such a powerful guilt complex in her twin, but at this point, there was little to be done to remedy it.

"C'mon, baby boy," Shay crooned softly, pulling Baby's backdoor open, "climb in the backseat with me, okay? I've gotcha." She scooted across the bench seat, pulling Sam in behind her until she was propped against the other door and her little brother was draped over her lap. The huntress reached over his shaking body to tuck his feet into the car and pull the door shut. Her fingers sifted through Sam's soft chestnut locks as he buried his wet, blotched face in the crook of her neck and began to sob.

"I've got you," Shay murmured, turning the simple words into a quiet mantra, "I'm here. I've got you, baby boy." She pressed a kiss to the top of his head and buried her face in his soft curls, fighting the urge to cry right along with him.

The car shook as Dean whipped the driver's side door open and clambered into the seat. He quickly stuffed Sam's pistol into the glove box and shoved the key into the ignition. His green eyes flicked to the rearview mirror, taking in his two siblings curled into each other, and closed his eyes briefly to keep his own tears from escaping, "let's go."

Baby rumbled as Dean pulled away from the curb, and he didn't waste any time getting them away from Madison's home. The physical damage was left far behind, but the emotional wounds would remain for a long time to come.

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 **Might be mildly OOC for Sam, but, at the same time, he was a bit of a mess before he went to shoot Madison. One of my head canons is that Dean, after getting them out of there clean, gave Sammy some very much needed cuddles, maybe even held him and hummed "** _ **Hey Jude**_ **" until he finally went to sleep that night. I at least hope something along those lines happened, because Sam definitely needed it.**

 **It's a bit easier with two older siblings, with one to hug and soothe Sam, and the other to wipe their prints and make sure they get out clean. Writing this gave me major feels, hell, this episode alone gives me major feels because there's crying!Sam and helplessbigbrother!Dean and it just hurts.**

 **The bit about Shay selling her soul to get them out of The Life was inspired by the fact that this episode takes place after 2x08 "** _ **Crossroad Blues**_ **" and there might be a tag to it with her getting the idea that hey, maybe she can do something meaningful with her life for her boys, because Dean isn't the only one with self-worth and self-sacrificial issues. Shay just manages hers a bit better.**

 **Hope you enjoyed the read!**

 ***~*** _ **CloudSpires1295**_ ***~***


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